Anonymous asked: Hi Lauren, I was wondering if there is a word for being romantically and sexually attracted to people that identify as male. that includes cis gendered men, any trans* person that identifies as male, and usually people that mark themselves physically as male. I used to call myself heterosexual but I don't know if that includes attraction to trans* men. I never know what to say when people ask how I identify. Thanks for your help
With the way that “heterosexual” is normally used, it doesn’t necessarily convey that you are also attracted to trans* men or otherwise non-cis males. I think the definition absolutely CAN (and should) include attraction to trans* men. Unfortunately, right now the general population wouldn’t think to include non-cis men in the definition. So I can understand why that term might not always feel “right” for you.
There are a couple of different terms that come to mind.
“Queer” can be used as a very generalized description of someone’s sexuality/orientation. I know bisexual women who prefer the term “queer” because they don’t feel accepted as lesbians and don’t like the hypersexualization/fetishization of bisexuality. I also know people who identify as queer and only find themselves attracted to people who identify as the same sex they identify with, or who are primarily attracted to genderqueer or non-binary people. “Queer” doesn’t have a single definition, which can make it a great term if you feel your sexuality or identity doesn’t or shouldn’t fit in the other boxes.
“Pansexual” or “omnisexual” refers to attraction to people of all gender identities and biological sexes. This would of course include cis men, trans men, and MAAB genderqueer individuals. But it could also include cis women, trans women, and FAAB genderqueer individuals. If you don’t find yourself attracted to female-identified individuals, then the pan/omnisexual label may not feel like it fits either.
Again, the term heterosexual can absolutely be used to describe a female identified person who is primarily attracted to male identified persons. That is the definition I use. But not everyone you encounter may have the same understanding of heterosexuality (for example, some people automatically assume heterosexual means a cis-woman attracted to a cis-man and vis-versa). If heterosexuality is the term you most identify with, definitely use it. This is about what is best for you. If you feel queer is a better term, I think you should feel free to use that, too.
What feels right to you?
**EDIT**
Tommy also suggested the terms “androsexual” and “androromantic.” :)
